Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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