For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
