ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
