I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
