you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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