I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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