I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
