so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
