I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
