I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
