the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
