Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
