nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I party with great urgency now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
