I just threw up on my dentist
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
