Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
false alarm. still invincible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
