I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
