I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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