I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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