That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
