You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
