just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
