Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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