She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
