dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
