my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
