And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
