I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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