well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
