no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
