this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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