if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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