ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He has the fingertips of a God
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