guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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