Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
