i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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