Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
