oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
