she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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