You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
