Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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