Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
