I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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