eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
