I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
