Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
