Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
