she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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