Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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