Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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