I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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