I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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