my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
