oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
