it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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