we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
