You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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