the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize