youre lurking in front of me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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