Me too!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize