I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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