"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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