I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
