yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
