I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Life without a bra equals bliss.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
