textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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