your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Let's get the cat blown out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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