Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
