Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
