I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
