If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
